Happy ever after?

What on earth am I supposed to say about the Royal Wedding? On the one hand, they seem like a nice enough couple and she has certainly done her time and I’m sure feels that she deserves her day in white tulle. But marriage? Into that family? Is that a true reward for all that waiting around for a dithering, prematurely balding hooray to realise he’s never going to find anyone nicer/prettier/and now thinner? Can this really be what any sane woman would want? What does her mother feel as she sees her beautiful daughter about to be swallowed up by the Palace? Marriage is difficult enough under any circumstances. But in the Royal Family? Hidings to nothing, turkeys voting for Christmas and hell freezing over all spring to mind.

I suppose the alternative, Kate not getting to marry William after all, would seem like a total humiliation for the poor girl, and a very public one too. So this is probably the most graceful way out of her long stint as a loyal girlfriend. I hope she feels it was worth it in ten years’ time. And I hope by then she will have tactfully ‘lost’ that great albatross of an engagement ring that her fiance lumbered her with.

This has all come out a bit more vitriolic than I intended, but it’s been sparked by an email from a PR offering me a new iPad app on the Royal Wedding, designed for children. ‘Little princesses everywhere can enjoy the magic of the big day’, it coos. It features, I’m told, lots of interactive bits like the hot air balloon ride in Africa which led to the proposal. I’m afraid it got me sourly thinking, is there an interactive bit about hanging about while he flirts with other women in Boujis? Or goes out on benders with his fellow officers at Sandringham?

I thought long and hard about the harmful effects of fairy tales like Cinderella, which tell girls that if you sit around for long enough doing the dishes, your prince will come. Er, I don’t think so. Of course, I allowed myself to be swept away by the magic in the end – what girl doesn’t? And I am a firm believer in love conquering all, even cynicism. But there are limits, and the ‘Waity Katy finally gets her Matey’ app is definitely the limit for me.

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