Have you Heard?

Gosh, there’s nothing like a celebrity ding-dong to get everyone going, is there? I’m afraid I have found the whole business between Johnny Depp/Amber Heard/Vanessa Paradis/the illegal stowaway dogs completely fascinating, even before we got to the thrown iPhone and the brandished magnum of wine.

I’ve never found Johnny Depp at all attractive and, maybe as a consequence, haven’t seen that many of his films and disliked the ones I have watched. There’s something about all that arrogant posturing and eyeliner, and the obvious Michael Jackson mimicry in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, that I found a bit creepy. So when the Amber Heard allegations emerged, after an initial phase of thinking, ‘God, really?’ I decided I could believe well that he would throw a phone, smash a few pictures and generally act like a drunken middle-aged abusive toad.

Then Vanessa Paradis weighed in and said it was all impossible. How odd, I thought. This is the woman he left flat for a girl 20 years younger, and then humiliated still further by promptly marrying his new love, when he had steadfastly not married the mother of his two children. But then, because of those children, Vanessa Paradis is going to have to deal with him for years to come, not to mention get child support (if she needs it, she’s an accomplished actor and Chanel muse in her own right).

The fact is that Amber Heard has appeared in public with a large bruise and, more importantly, she has a witness who saw Depp waving his wine bottle around ‘like a baseball bat’ smashing up her home and belongings, a friend who was with her at the time.

I wonder why Vanessa Paradis would definitively say Amber Heard’s claims are impossible? Even if he never whacked Vanessa Paradis herself, she can’t say for sure that he would never hit anyone else. Is she trying to protect her children, from the stigma of having an abusive father? Or is she doing what many women do, and directing her anger at the breakup towards the other woman instead of the man who actually betrayed her? All Vanessa Paradis can really say for sure is that Johnny Depp never hit her or was violent towards her – and thank goodness for that.

It’s not a case, this time, of the woman (Heard) telling one version of events while the man (Depp) has another story. People almost always believe the man, when that happens. But this time there are two women who were at the scene, both saying Johnny Depp was violent and out of control.

And, while we’re on the subject, I remember there being tales of Johnny Depp destroying hotel rooms way, way back when he was with Kate Moss. Kate Moss famously never says a word about anything, a very sensible course which has seen her through a lot of relationship break-ups and the odd brush with drugs. She certainly won’t be writing any statements and releasing them to the press – unfortunately, as it might shed some light on Depp.

Maybe the truth is that there are some women he finds irritating to the point of violence, and some he treats with respect? Sadly, there’s probably a queue of women already forming to become his next victim/mistress. I won’t be in it, no matter how much he begs 🙂 and I leave you with this picture of him, advertising Dior’s aftershave Sausage, which makes me cackle every time I see it:

The scent that’s a bit in your face. Well, at least it’s not an iPhone

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