I’ve compiled my special Divorce Towers list of Half Term pitfalls …
1. Don’t be a single mother. This applies to more than just half term, but I’ve shoved it in here just so I can try and garner a bit of sympathy in advance before you all decide you hate me. You’ll see why when you read on …
2. Don’t organise a MASSIVE new work project for half term. And don’t then go around pretending that it’s not your fault, the interviewees can’t reschedule, when the horrible truth is that you just clean FORGOT about half term and now have to run around like a headless chicken failing to juggle the mess …..
3. Don’t let it drizzle every day. Well, yesterday was beautiful, but today we are back to drizzle. Just try not to let this happen. Even the cat is soggy.
4. Don’t keep telling the children, ‘wouldn’t it be lovely to have a little bit of independence? Wouldn’t you love to walk up to the village and have a hot chocolate ALL BY YOURSELVES?’ Because, guess what, they’ll realise what you’re up to and superglue themselves to your legs, just like they did when they were 4 and 2. They’ll probably never set foot outside the house alone again.
5. Don’t mention your work crisis to friends, as they will all promptly leave the country to avoid being embroiled in your childcare arrangements yet again.
6. Don’t forget to look on the bright side – it is lovely being snuggled up in front of the fire watching the Young Dracula marathon on CBBC. Who cares if I get fired?
7. Don’t even try to work after Chardonnay O’Clock. That soooo doesn’t work. Besides, I need to keep up with yummy Being Human and Shameless just to hang on to a shred of sanity.
8. Don’t keep moaning on. They’ll be off to Mr X’s on Friday night, by which time I’ll have finished the project, be on my tod, and will be sobbing into my glass of white.
9. Don’t forget to look on the bright side – they’ll be leaving without the enormous stash of cupcakes, yay!
10. Don’t forget you’ve got a lovely lunch with a friend to look forward to on Saturday. That should keep you going. Good luck!