Lady in waiting

As I sit here, waiting for those lovely chaps from John Lewis to deliver a new tumble drier, I realise a theme is emerging. I am also waiting for a Tesco delivery, which was supposed to come between 9 and 11.

The time is inching up to 10.47, and Tesco is playing with fire. I am very fickle with my supermarkets these days. I discovered that, if you get a couple of internet deliveries, from any of the big supermarkets, and then stop abruptly, they will start sending you money-off vouchers.

Ocado, being middle-class and, therefore, insecure and needy, begins almost immediately, pelting my inbox with desperate little love tokens (free model of an Ocado van? That is soooo not going to do it, guys. Try chocolate. Lots of it!). If you don’t take pity and give in too soon, it will soon be waving quite healthy reductions at you. Tesco, being big and brash, is less bothered about one-order stands and takes months to realise you’ve even defected. When it finally clocks that you’ve been getting your trolley filled elsewhere, though, it will try and sweep you off your feet with an impressively large voucher. Sainsbury’s I’ve found harder to fathom. I don’t think I’ve ever actually managed to accomplish an order with Sainsbury’s. I certainly did try, a couple of years ago, but I think it either crashed much too soon or simply went on and on forever with the checkout proceedure – both techniques sure to disappoint a girl.

Ah, if Lidl only delivered, then I’m sure I would be a one-store woman. Until then, I’m left to play the field. And wait. And wait!

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