Review Time

I’ve been lucky enough to have been sent some lovely swag this month, er, I mean products to put through the earnest testing procedure in place here at Divorce Towers.

First is a DVD of Harry Potter’s second-to-last jaunt, the Deathly Hallows. I’d been dying to see this film ever since it came out last year, but was prevented by various mishaps – a firm ban from Child One on watching it at the same cinema as her, then an outbreak of snow when I attempted to see it with Child Two. So I settled down to watch the DVD with huge pleasure, accompanied by a strange crocheted doll of Dobby the House Elf which apparently is part of a limited edition. Child One, who has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the Potter oeuvre, pronounced it to be the film which is closest to the book. As the book is dark and features a lot of arguments in tents, this is perhaps not such a great thing, but I won’t spoil the film in case you haven’t seen it yet!

Next came Robinsons new Double Concentrate squash. Yeah, yeah, we thought, it says use half as much but it’ll be like those concentrated fabric conditioners, which are pretty much the same as the standard version. But no – this squash does exactly what it says on the label. It makes lovely fruity squash with half as much as usual.  We were deeply grateful for this, as its arrival coincided with the heatwave and it was absolutely ideal squash-drinking weather. Robinsons also has a squash craft website and a competition, have a look here.

I’m not sure what the ideal weather would be for sporting Trinny and Susannah’s shapewear – too hot and you might be  in danger of  exploding, like an overheated shiny polyester sausage, too cold and you’d be wearing a jumper anyway and there’d be no point. But, as clever hosiery company Tights Please was kind enough to send me a pair of their magic knicks, described on the packet as ‘bikini briefs’ even though they came up virtually to my chin, I decided it would be churlish not to put them to the test. Well, dear reader, I can reveal that they work a treat. If you feel the need for shapewear, these are definitely the way to go. Any lumps or bumps are sucked into smoothness by the  unyeilding beige fabric, which has probably enjoyed a former life as an Olympic trampoline or a shelter from nuclear warheads. Nothing fleshy, no matter how out of control it may be,  is going to make a dent in this stuff. Obviously, this hosiery should not be used on any kind of date where you have to reveal your underwear to a member of the opposite sex at any point. I cannot imagine what the male reaction to this garment would be – possibly backing away, holding a crucifix and gibbering? A shame, because of course the shapewear gives you a lovely svelte form that most men would be eager to unwrap. Ah, life’s little ironies.

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